Tuesday, November 25, 2008

If cubicle walls could talk

Unlike Jonathan who has a spacious hoytie toytie office (I may have exaggerated just a touch... he might share a very small cubbyhole with a door) I live - no - work in a cubicle. Have you ever worked in a cubicle? If so, you know the daily monotony it brings... the complete lack of scenery (nope, no window in our office, seriously) and, consequently, privacy as well. But for those of you who may have never considered it before, what does your cubicle say about you?

My cubicle definately says I'm a scatterbrained, ADD, pack rat who eats lunch at her desk (parish the thought) and has a slight obsession with highlighters. My cubicle has one small piece of artwork (thank you Jonathan, and your box of crayolas) and one wedding picture, but beyond that, it's strictly business. Hey, why would I take time decorating a place I strongly desire to leave at the end of the day anyway? Well, all that aside, I began to wonder... what does my cubicle have to say to others about my faith?

I recently came across what might be the world's funniest blog. Penned by "prodigal John", and aptly titled "Stuff Christians Like", This blog points a finger of hillarity at the christianisms and christianese of christianity. You should really check it out here. So, as I was making my way across this blog today, I stumbled upon "The Christian Cubicle Point System". So, without further adeau, (and with credit duely given) here it is.

1. You removed one of your three cubicle walls and replaced it with a Thomas Kinkade painting. = +5 points

2. You have a souvenir from your mission trip in your cubicle. = +2 points

3. It was a “fun mission trip” e.g., you were witnessing to people on the beach in Hawaii or skiers at Aspen. = 0 points

4. Your mouse is shaped like a Jesus fish. = +1 point

5. You have a local Christian radio station playing at all times. = +1 point

6. You have a loop of sermon podcasts playing at all times. = +2 points

7. You have that Carman song with the devil cameo playing at all times. = +3 points

8. You have Joshua 24:15 hung up and crossed out “As for me and my house” and instead wrote, “As for me and my cubicle.” = +1 point

9. It’s cross stitched = +2 points

10. You got rid of your office chair and instead sit in a tiny section of pew you got from a church they were tearing down. = +3 points

11. You removed the number 6 from your keyboard to prevent ever accidentally slipping and typing 666. = + 1 point

12. You have a Bible in your cubicle in plain sight. = +1 point

13. It’s the King James Version = +2 points

14. It’s displayed open on a stand carved from a piece of driftwood you found on the beach during a retreat = +3 points

15. You have a choir "cubicle robe" that you change into when you get back to your desk similar to how Mr. Rogers used to put on a different sweater when he got home. = +4 points

16. One of your drawers is filled with holy water just in case someone wants to get baptized by dunking their head in the drawer above the file folders. = + 5 points

17. You have a sticker that reads. “In case of rapture, this cubicle will be unmanned.” = +1 point

18. During the Christmas cubicle decoration contest you always set up a nativity scene in your cubicle. = +1 point

19. It’s a “live scene” so during the three weeks before Christmas you dress like one of the wise men. = +2 points

20. It includes live animals. = +3 points

21. You nicknamed your cubicle something cool like most youth group rooms, e.g. “da’ zone,” or “xTreme.” = + 2 points

22. In the corner of your whiteboard you have the numbers 4:13 written to subtly remind yourself of Philippians 4:13. = +1 point

23. You wrote out the whole verse on your whiteboard = +2 points

24. Whenever someone comes in your cubicle, you do push ups while reciting, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” = +3 points

25. When people come to gossip, you join in, but always say, “Bless her heart” or “I mean that in Christian love” after you do. = +1 point

26. Coworkers know to come to your cubicle for advice, encouragement and communion wafers because you’ve got a whole bag of em’ in the bottom drawer. =+1 point

27. You have a little computer monitor mirror that helps you see behind you and on it in whiteout you wrote, “I see you and so does Jesus.” = +1 point

28. You have that poster of the cat hanging from a rope with the caption, “Hang in there” to encourage the people around you. = +2 points

29. You crossed out “hang in there” because you thought it was too wishy washy and that cat was kind of a heathen. Instead you scribbled “hang onto Jesus." = +4 points

30. You have a decomposing palm branch from Palm Sunday in your cubicle. = +2 points for each branch.

31. You’ll only hang up your kid’s artwork in your cubicle if it’s something they colored at Sunday school. Clifford and Sesame Street aren’t making the cut. = +1 point

32. You’re not above taking a love offering if more than two people are gathered in your cubicle at the same time. = +1 point

33. You take great offense at the parade of Christian stereotypes presented in this list and printed out the post as a reminder to pray for me = +2 points

How did you score? My current cubicle ranked a sweaty Philistinish 3 points. I’m ashamed of it, and me, but mostly it. If you scored over a 40, you’re working in what John calls a “Tempicle.” (Yeah, that’s right, he just mixed the word temple and cubicle.) Under 10 and you’re begging for an ergonomic lightning bolt from heaven.

So what did you score? Are you in the equivalent of a work Vatican? How holy is your cubicle?

- Melissa

1 comment:

Jared said...

This was a great post! I never customize my office much except for a coffee mug. I usually score zero. All anyone can see is I do my job at work. I do not think I meet any of them with my current office. Maybe my next one will be worthy of Kirk Cameron.