A letter to our children

Late one evening, long after the kids and I had gone to bed, my husband sat down and wrote a letter to our two children. I knew when I married this man that it was for far more than his good looks and intelligence. Indeed, I knew when I married this man it was because I knew God had chosen him to be the spiritual leader and driving force of our family-to-be. I'll share the letter he wrote to our children, and maybe it will inspire you, too, to put into writing the most foundational, fundamental truths you wish to impress upon your family.

To my beloved children.

I am taking time to write to you briefly of some important things I pray I will be given the opportunity to speak with you about and model for you on a continuing basis (along with your mother) as you grow up. There is much that could be said, but for want of ability to say it all I will limit my thoughts to what is currently most on my heart when it comes to you both.

First and foremost I commend you, along with J.C. Ryle (Thoughts for Young Men), to determine as long as you live to make the Bible your guide & adviser. The Bible may seem overwhelming to tackle and you will doubtless receive many and various opinions regarding it. I commend you to the task all the more and not without guidance.

Mark Driscoll sums the Bible up well in his small books On the Old Testament and On the New Testament, which I think you will find very helpful. The central things of which I have become convinced, but you each will have to discover yourselves, are the inspiration, inerrancy, and authority of Scripture.

The single thing I suggest, and eagerly so, you keep in mind as you search God’s Word is to learn the very nature of God. This can, I think, be seen most clearly in the New Testament Incarnation of God the Son – the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus the promised Old Testament Messiah or Christ.

The implications are staggering both for mankind and indeed the rest of creation! The themes of necessary atonement and promised restoration/reconciliation/renewal are rampant throughout the Bible and are among its chief unifying threads. They highlight the weight and depth of sin well as the beauty and extent of God’s gracious and loving provision of salvation and redemption.  

I have found the New Testament book of Hebrews to be particularly helpful to me in brining to Old and New Testaments together in Christ. The Old Testament book of Isaiah is lush the themes of atonement and restoration and connected references to the Messiah. Isaiah 53 has been, for me, the most impactful by far!  

The Apostle Paul spoke well when stating, “I am saying nothing beyond what the prophets and Moses said would happen – that the Christ (or Messiah) would suffer and, as first to rise from the dead, would proclaim light to his own people (for Jesus was a Jew) and to the Gentiles (for God so loved the world).” (Ac.26:22-23) To put it another way, “Salvation is from the Jews,” (Jn.4:22) but for both Jew and Gentile.

Secondly I must write to each of you in turn of the unique challenges you will face as male and female in the fallen world you find yourselves in.

My daughter, the world and the culture will strain it its attempts to persuade you that your value is in the way you look and dress. You will be encouraged to give pieces of yourself away (visually, physically, and emotionally) for far, far less that you are worth (and by that I mean life-long commitment in marriage). You will naturally crave attention as a young lady, so guard yourself well.

My son, the world and the culture will strain in its attempt to persuade you to take all that you can as it pertains to what it attempts to persuade women to give away. This will start with your eyes! It will encourage you to take looks, steal glances. You will naturally crave this, so guard yourself well. What you look at will have a profound affect on how you view women (worth life long commitment in marriage).

God designed sex to act like glue within the confines of marriage (for both are His idea, meant to be inextricably connected) and it serves its intended purpose well (Ge.2:24). Outside the confines of marriage it still functions much the same in a world that would encourage you to act as if it does not and therefor tear yourself apart moving from one partner to another as if sex were a purely a physical act (i.e. if the physical consequences be removed it has no affect on you as a person). This is pure folly!

Lastly, but preeminently, I want you to know that it is an unspeakable blessing and privilege to be your father and watch you grow up. It is second only to being the husband of your mother and a child of God. I was not until I was blessed with you as my children that I understood what my parents must have felt for my siblings and I growing up. And I think I learned just a little bit more of God as a Father.

I love you so.

And to this I will only add something small; Daughter of mine, After our Father God himself, look to your earthly father as a prime example of Godly Manhood. Watching him, and remembering how he treats you, will teach you everything you need to know to evaluate the men who value you enough to consider asking for your hand in marriage. And son, watch your father. In him God has given you your most excellent earthly example of biblical masculinity.

Lord, thank you for this man. From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.

I was so nieve

It was back when I was pregnant with Levi, still working full time, that my then boss and I got caught up in a discussion about how his triplets (!!!) were being picky at the dinner table. They were five years old. They refused to eat anything green and also didn’t like potatoes. Any kind of potatoes. Even fries. I may have appeared understanding, but I was snickering on the inside. Surely, I thought, this was caused by soft parenting. Anyone whose anyone knows that if kids are only offered what the family is eating, eventually they’ll get hungry enough to eat what’s put in front of them and thereby conform to the family. I must have said something somewhat snarky because I clearly remember my boss telling me that, as a pregnant woman without any kids yet, I was the best parent I’d ever be.

Wow. Did he have me pegged or what?

This past week has been FULL of power struggles with my oldest cherub. I’ve been daily reminded that as humans, our sinfull hearts are evident even from a very tender young age. Discipline has been so difficult with Levi lately. What is right, what is wrong? How will he best learn? How can I give him the most accurate representation possible of how God loves us as HIS children? I must discipline him in love, and not anger, but MAN is that hard.

Oh, and he won’t eat anything I put in front of him at the dinner table.  Even fries.

Overdue update

The fact that it’s been so long since I’ve blogged should give you some insight into how busy I am. Or rather, how busy I feel. I marvel at women who have more than two kids, as I myself don’t feel like I can adequately accomplish (to my standards) much of anything these days.  Ah well, comes with the territory. And that territory has been lots of fun lately. Here is a totally informal bulleted list of some of the things I’ve made note of recently:

·         Cora is closing in on the ten pound mark (I’d guess she’ll be there by next Wednesday at the latest) and has been consistently gaining an ounce a week on breastmilk alone. If you knew me when I had Levi (or if you go back in the archives of my blog) you will see that Levi and I struggled mercilessly with milk supply and traveled a long road of supplementation etc. before finally being able to exclusively breastfeed.  I prayed fervently for the breastfeeding relationship Cora and I would have, and the Lord provided greatly! Things have been so very much different!

·         For a LONG while (maybe 5 weeks) Cora would not go back to sleep and stay that way after nursing in the middle of the night. Ugh.  We tried EVERYTHING we could think of. Finally we reluctantly moved her to her own room as a last ditch effort. Ta da!  It was a huge success. A week or so later we attempted to swaddle her again (which had been a big mistake previously) and she decided it was quite a nice way to sleep. We’re very much enjoying one 5-6 hour stretch of sleep each night, and then another 3-4 hour stretch after that.

·         Cora likes to be close to mommy. Surprised? Don’t all babies? Anyway, she loves nothing more than nursing and snuggling in bed with us. And we love it too – just not all night long because this mama don’t sleep too well with a baby next to her. Our afternoon naps together are simply blissful

·         About two weeks ago Cora started mirroring smiles – it’s more precious than words can express, so I’ll leave you with a picture:

·         Cora loves bathtime. Like her brother, she plays the part of the exhibitionist joyously. She If she appears unhappy, take her diaper off and she’ll be happy as a clam.

·         Bright lights make Cora cry. Dim lighting makes her sleepy. She likes music, and white noise, and very soft blankets. Most of all, she likes to be kept unreasonably warm.

·         The car-seat isn’t her favorite (I don’t know many babies who enjoy it) but a good car ride will put her to sleep – until we reach a red light at which point I’ll look back and see her little face scrunch up until she whimpers. So sad to watch.

·         Levi loves his little sister, most of the time. He isn’t usually bothered when she cries – except on time last week when he sweetly shushed her before placing a pillow over her face. Darling child.

·         Cora officially outgrew her newborn clothes over the last week. She’s solidly into her 0-3’s (or 3 month if she’s in cloth diapers, which we’re using more and more these days, although not exclusively by any means)

·         Cora really only naps in her swing, but I can’t complain. heck, she naps!  As I type this, she’s swinging peacefully and Levi is crying in his bed. This past week has been VERY tough for him. I find him begging for attention and for obvious reasons I don’t as much to give him as I used to. As a result, he’s trying to get my negative attention by acting out and being intentionally disobedient. It’s heartbreaking and infuriating at the same time – especially as I have less than half the patience I need and less sleep than I’d like. Dealing with his needs (and not meeting my own expectations in that regard) is far more difficult than meeting Cora’s daily needs. Babies are easier than toddlers.

And with that I’ll go tend to the crying toddler. I may come back and add things to this as I think of them. Like that bit about how our friends bought us a Roku player which keeps me company during those late night feedings. It’s magical!

Guess who's here...

Yes, I know. I haven't blogged in - like - eons. And here's why:

This is the part where I say to everyone "oh, I'll do better from here on out, I'll blog daily again, really, I will. It's my new-years resolution in fact... yada yada yada" except I'm not going to because I'm more of a realist than anything these days. I know as well as you all do that there is even LESS of a chance that I will blog now, than there was that I would blog whilst pregnant. 

Whew. That was cathartic. Now onto cuter things.

Cora Grace Kathleen Hnosko was Born on Tuesday, December 20th at 10:46am - a full ten days before her due date (halleluia!) She weighed 6lbs 14oz, and measured 19.5" long..She is everything her brother was NOT as a newborn. She sleeps almost all day (and as a result is up a lot at night, but not in the screaming angry baby way, more of a "I'm awake and happy" way. It's cute) and is content to sit in a swing, or a bouncy seat and observe the view. It shocks me really. If you knew Levi as a newborn, it would shock you too. She sleeps A TON!

 In case you are interested in this sort of thing (and because I really should type it out before I forget it) Here's Cora's abbreviated birth story:

On the morning of Monday the 19th, something was different. I can't put it into words, but something was in the air - enough so that I called my friend Rachael, who was on "babywatch" to take Levi off our hands if we needed to make a dash to the hospital, and Joyce, my doula, to give them a heads-up. It wasn't until around 5pm that contractions started. I say "contractions" but in my opinion they were really just strong braxton hicks. They were wimpy to say the very least. I went to bed that night and tried to sleep them off.

I awoke around 1am and couldn't get back to sleep - not because the contractions hurt, but because they were annoying, and had moved closer together (about 3 minutes apart). I called my support team (Midwife, Doula, Rachael) and in a couple hours time we were on our way to the hospital at my midwife's request.

I was a mere 3 centimeters dilated. Hardly anything to be excited about. I was blessed with a delightful labor and delivery nurse (Jane) who also happens to be a midwife. She totally left me alone, which is exactly what I wanted. For the next three hours I paced and paced and paced. At this point my baby girl was ROP (Right occiput posterior) also known as mostly-sunny-side-up. NOT a comfortable position to deliver in. I knew the more I moved around, the better chance I had that she'd move into an Anterior position, but nothing was a sure bet. So, I mixed it up a little spending some of my time on my feet, and some on my hands and knees, hoping gravity would shift this baby around.

Somewhere in there I lost track of time. Tunnel vision came upon me and I wasn't speaking in sentences any longer. Remembering how long and arduous Levi's labor and delivery were I kept reminding myself that I had a lot longer to go, and that the pain still had much worse to get. This was only the small stuff, I had to keep it together because the worst is yet to come.

It must have been sometime around 10am when my water broke. That was something I never felt with Levi (I had an epidural around 9 cm and they broke my water just before he came out) and man, was it a weird sensation. At that point labor became intensely difficult. I struggled to focus. My midwife came to see how I was doing and, because I requested not to be "checked", she estimated I was around 6cm dilated based on where I was initially, how much time had passed, etc. She left the room to go check on another patient.

I was exhausted. I laid down on the bed for the first time that day. It was likely no longer than 10 minutes after my midwife left that I felt Cora turn from Posterior to Anterior (HOORAY!) and immediately my whole core began to push her out. I felt almost like a fly on the wall as my body did all the work for me. It was supernatural. I simply don't have the words to describe how relieving it felt to push through all that pain. Strange, I know, but that really was the best part of labor although I had feared it would be the worst.

 Now, mind you, my midwife was down the hall. Levi, my firstborn was out in 30 minutes, so I knew this would be quick. my midwife scurried back into the room, and threw on her gloves (no time for her gown) and with two pushes Cora was out!

She didn't cry. She was rather blue. So after a quick sit on my chest, off she went. Turned out that with her quick arrival she hadn't coughed up all the junk that had accumulated in her lungs over the past 9 months. Not only that, but she had a belly FULL of meconium (poop). Needless to say, she was in the nursery under observation for low O2 saturation for the better part of 3 hours. It was heartbreaking to see her lying there and not be able to snuggle and nurse her, but by the grace of God she came out of it and returned with us to our room.

 All in all, this was a fantastic birth experience for me - everything Levi's birth wasn't. It was healing. My recovery was 100% faster, and my post partum mental state an even keel. Nursing has also been completely unproblematic, and absolutely wonderful. Praise be to the LORD! Many of you know the trouble Levi and I had with nursing, and let me tell you, every baby is different, and boy am I glad.

And I'll have to leave it at that as I have not one, but two little ones who should soon be waking. Check facebook for more adorable pictures!

about to pop...

...or so it feels, and yet there are still six weeks and change left before this little one is due. 

This is my little basketball at 34 weeks, just as round and directly in front of me as Levi ever was. If I showed you a picture of me from head on, (especially in this black shirt) you may not know I'm even pregnant, but a profile view makes it plenty obvious! 

Remember this post, and this photo? Now there's a trip down memory lane, less than three short years ago.. I feel like I'm carrying exactly the same way this time as last, although (thankfully) not gaining as much weight this time. Something about chasing around a 2 1/2 year old all day long doesn't exactly lend itself to eating leisurely meals.

2 1/2, that's right.Just a short two weeks until my firstborn is half way to five - I can hardly believe it. He's jumped SO many milestones during my pregnancy, it's hard to keep track of them all. I'd say the most delightful of those milestones has occurred most recently: his ability, and desire, to "pretend" play all by himself. All of the sudden his toys talk to one another, and I'll find him sitting in his room having conversations. Not surprisingly, most of those conversations revolve around similar conversations he and I have had, so frequently I think he's talking to me. But no, it's his tractor and dump truck who, through him, are discussing what is appropriate and inappropriate. occasionally the offending toy gets a time out. and then a hug and a kiss. It's perfectly adorable.

Although even I find it a poor excuse, my blogging life has taken a complete nose dive during this pregnancy as I have slept on every possible occasion. My delightful Levi takes a solid 90 minute nap (longer if I'm lucky) and I try my hardest to sleep as well. Often these days, sleep alludes me (both daytime and nighttime) due mostly to my complete inability to maintain a comfortable position. But ah, such is pregnancy. I am daily grateful for not one but TWO chiropractors who keep me and my misaligned pelvis ambulatory.

Jonathan is, just this week, making his last two batches of cheese for the year - I'm so very glad he'll get a break from early mornings and long days here soon. Lately we've both been sick sick sick with some nasty upper-respiratory virus (mine was confirmed today to have morphed into a sinus infection - oh joy) and since we've both been coughing and sputtering so much we've split off into different rooms of the house for sleep. While I'll admit that the extra bed space is nice, it's rather disconcerting to wake up alone in bed. Needless to say, I'm anxious for us all to be well.

I'm pretty sure that's all there is to update everyone on. Except, of course, to remind myself and anyone who may be reading that we continue to feel unreasonably blessed by the Lord's provision and blessing over our lives. We feel so unworthy, and yet so grateful. The ails of pregnancy pale in comparison to the blessing of a new life, and although I may complain from time to time about this or that, we really are astonished that the Lord provides and blesses us in the ways that He has.

Baby's still due Dec. 30th, but if you see me in January and I'm still pregnant, don't be surprised. :)

NOT ME Friday

I keep missing Monday, so here it goes

I did NOT plug in the George Foreman grill instead of the coffee pot in my half-asleep stooper. The smell of heating metal and old hamburger grease which filled me home did not then make me sick.

I did NOT literally break a sweat putting on compression stockings this morning. I also did not wear said stockings with shorts, unabashadly. No, truly a fashion no-no. And you won't find me re-adjusting these blasted things ALL DAY LONG. Not ME! Although, to be fair, it also wasn't me who decided to go one morning without said blasted stockings only to discover that I was FAR more cofortable with them ON, than with them OFF. (I am not wondering how on EARTH I'll manage to don these things with a watermelon in my abdomen, a cantaloupe gives me enough challange)

I am NOT thoroughly and completely enjoying owning a smartphone - an object I told a number of people I may never own. I'm also not texting, or using swype to do it. and I'm certainly not learning a SWATH of new things every day, making me feel more and more like someone who was completely out of touch with technology.

I am NOT at all surprised that we're having a girl. No, in fact I think I planned it that way. Would you believe I've spent Months on end thinking this would be a girl, and collecting all sorts of pink and frilly things? Indeed, I am Not at all taking a VERY LONG time to let this fact settle in, and to fully understand what it means. No, it's all come very quickly and naturally.

I do NOT save blogging for the end of nap time every day then then allow it to surprise me that I don't have enough time to do it. That would be silly. Truly.

words.

I have very little to say, but I am feeling the guilt that comes along with waiting FAR too long to blog. So, here are some phrases and words that should bring you up to date:

• It's a girl - or at least it will be. No wait, it IS, and it WILL be, but she's still baking. We'll wait to name her until she arrives around the new year.
• I'm still sick. Dang. Hoped morning sickness would find its end but alas, it continues, although in a much, much weaker form than it took on a few months ago.
• We're switching to Sprint (but we haven't yet so if you can think of any really compelling reasons why we should stay with AT&T, please speak up) We've had the same plan for 8 years (maybe 9, actually) and it's time to make a few changes.
• I'm wearing compression stockings. Don't know what those are hmm? consider yourself lucky. My two pregnancy bellies have placed themselves only (and I mean ONLY) directly in front of me, which puts extra pressure on the veins running down my legs, and thus, I find myself in compression stockings. I could explain further, but really, those are probably all the details you need.
• I don't think my daughter and I will have the same affinity for chocolate. Poor girl. I haven't been able to stomach it for months (hopefully my mother-in-law will still call us family)
• I battled the teensy kitchen ants - and won. Thank you Terro.
• I set fire to our oven - Jonathan and his trusty fire extinguisher won. My pizza stone lost.
• we may be re-roofing before winter. Not sure yet though.
• We may be getting a new (to us) car. Not sure yet though. (no rush there)

There's a quick and messy update. I posted dozens of pictures from throughout our summer on my facebook page - pictures of the county fair, Levi's birthday party, our trip to the Omaha zoo, and many others that had been sitting on my camera for far too long- hope you have a moment to check them out. I've tried a few times to upload them here, but blogger is giving me grief over that and I suspect I need to update my version of Chrome before uploading them will be successful. We shall see.